June 19, 2018, I released my first poetry chapbook, Where the Color Purple Grows, Collection I. Inspired by a brave, long-time friend, I decided to share my story of love, coming out, and navigating difficult emotions as a black queer woman.
On this same day, my husband and a couple of our friends arranged a surprise book release party. Once the surprise was revealed, I took in everything around me: My friends and coworkers. The love. The excitement. The gratitude.
I shared a dedication to the friend who inspired this book. Thanks to Facebook memories, I was able to find a video of this. It brought me to tears. I needed to hear this today. Here’s a part of it:
“Our voices needed to be heard. In the midst of this constant battle, in politics and places we once called home, we came out victorious. I had many moments where I felt I wasn’t capable of this feat. I wasn’t brave enough. I wasn’t ‘out’ enough. I wasn’t me enough. I channeled that into pieces old and new. Through that and hours of journaling, I found myself. I found new ways to cope. I found ways to tell the people I distanced from that I’m better and I’m stronger without them. I became so close with the family I created.
My love for myself has evolved. Finding out so much about the darkness in me is bringing me closer to the light. I am light. A beacon to tell others in my predicament that it’s okay … It’s okay to be misunderstood.
For every person who doesn’t agree, there are several more who are with you. Speak, and you will find them.”
The emotion poured from me when I shared about creating family and finding light in the darkness, then and now. I’ve gotten to know my darkness a lot lately, and facing the truth is painful. I’ve come to uncover so much since that proud moment in my life, and I am grateful and uncomfortable at the same time. My love for myself is still evolving. Finding the energy to shine and feel alive has required more work on my part. And I’m willing to do that one step, dance, laugh, and word at a time.
Book 2 is in the works. I will never stop sharing my voice.
Cannot wait for you to share more colors with the world (: